I remember the first time my daughter was diagnosed with OCD and trichotillomania. I nodded as if I understood, but the truth was, I had no idea what it really meant or what lay ahead. OCD is just about compulsions, isn’t it? And what the heck is trichotillomania? This is the story of how I went from confusion to clarity—learning, unlearning, and finding a way forward.

“OCD is just about being neat, tidy, and a perfectionist.”
“People with OCD just need to relax and stop overthinking.”
“Everyone is a little OCD.”

These are all common misconceptions—ones I personally believed. Now, when I hear them, I see how insulting they can be to someone who actually suffers from OCD. The reality? OCD is a serious mental health condition, not a personality quirk or something you can “turn off.” Saying, “I’m so OCD” about minor preferences minimizes real struggles for those who are afflicted.

I simply thought my daughter was just an anxious kid.  She’s like me in a lot of ways.  I was an anxious kid.  What I didn’t know was that OCD isn’t just about compulsions—it’s about battling terrifying, unwanted thoughts that leave the person feeling anxious and guilty. No matter how much I reassured my daughter, her irrational doubt never faded. That’s when I realized—OCD isn’t what I thought it was at all. It’s about fear, uncertainty, and most of all a brain that just won’t let go.  You might be thinking, as I did, “everyone has intrusive thoughts.”  To a certain degree that may be true but for someone with OCD these aren’t passive images that can be easily shrugged off.

So What Exactly Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are distressing, unwanted, and often go against the person’s values and beliefs. The thoughts come in the form of themes which can change over time, but they typically fall into categories like:

• Harm OCD → Fear of hurting oneself or others, even though they don’t want to.
• Contamination OCD → Fear of germs, illness, or feeling “unclean.”
• Existential OCD → Obsessive thoughts about deep, philosophical questions.
• Religious or Moral OCD (Scrupulosity) → Fear of sinning or being a “bad” person.
• Sexual OCD → Unwanted, intrusive thoughts related to intimacy, which cause distress.

These thoughts trigger intense anxiety, sending the brain into overdrive as if there’s real danger. The brain misfires an “alarm”, making the person feel like something is wrong—even when nothing is. This leads to compulsions (mental or physical) to try and neutralize the anxiety.

Many people associate OCD with visible rituals, but mental compulsions are just as real. These include:

• Repeating phrases or prayers in one’s head.
• Mentally reviewing memories for reassurance.
• Avoiding certain people, places, or triggers that might “set off” the thoughts.

Tricho-tillo-what-ia?

While I was still trying to digest everything I was learning about OCD, I also had to face another condition I had never heard of before—trichotillomania. When the doctor first mentioned it, I remember thinking, “Tricho-tillo-what?” I had no idea what it was or what it really meant for my daughter.

At first, I assumed it was just a bad habit, something she could avoid doing if she really wanted to. But like OCD, I quickly learned that trichotillomania was far more complex than I ever imagined.

“Can’t you just stop?”

That was my first thought when she first started pulling. And I wasn’t alone—many people assume that compulsive hair pulling is just a nervous tic or something that can be controlled with enough willpower. But I soon realized that trich isn’t about choice—it’s a disorder that brings both relief and distress at the same time.

Trichotillomania, or Hair-Pulling Disorder, is part of a group of conditions called body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs). It causes an irresistible urge to pull out hair, often from the scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or other areas. Many people with trich don’t even realize they’re pulling until they notice the missing hair. It can happen in moments of stress, boredom, or even while completely zoned out. And even though it provides a temporary sense of relief, it’s often followed by frustration, guilt, and self-consciousness.

Resources like the TLC Foundation for BFRBs offer incredible support and information for those dealing with trichotillomania.

The Guilt of Not Knowing

The more I learned, the more guilty I began to feel. My daughter’s trich started when she was very young—around 9 years old—when we first noticed her missing eyelashes. In the early stages, it wasn’t severe, and her explanation at the time was that she was just pulling out the ones that bothered her.

This was years before her diagnosis, and because it wasn’t widespread, I didn’t think much of it. My wife, trying to help, showed her how to brush and care for her lashes, thinking that would solve the problem.

But as the severity increased, so did my frustration. I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just stop—especially when she saw what it was doing to her lashes. I still struggle with guilt over how I handled the situation before we had a diagnosis, and before we got her the right treatment.

What I Wish I Knew Sooner

As I began to understand what trich really was, I realized there was a overwhelming lack of awareness. I had never heard of it before my daughter’s diagnosis, and I know many others haven’t either. But knowledge and understanding matters. The more I learned, the more I could support her—helping her manage triggers, find coping strategies, and most importantly, reminding her that she wasn’t alone. I want other parents to know, they’re not alone either.

I was completely ignorant when this journey started, and as a result, I made mistakes along the way. But we all do. We love our kids so much and want nothing but the best for them. And with that comes self-reflection—the constant questioning of whether we’re raising them right.

We’re all doing the very best we can. But without proper awareness, we’re parenting with one hand tied behind our backs.

Finding Understanding & Support

Once I truly understood what OCD and trichotillomania were, my perspective completely changed. It was no longer about why can’t she stop? but rather how can I help?

I started seeking out resources, additional therapy options, and expert advice. I learned about Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) for OCD and how habit-reversal techniques could help with trichotillomania. But beyond clinical approaches, I also realized how much validation and emotional support mattered.

One of the most powerful shifts was changing how I responded to my daughter’s struggles. Instead of frustration, I learned to meet her with understanding. Rather than saying, “Stop pulling,” I started saying, “I know this is hard. How can I support you right now?”

It wasn’t a magic potion that suddenly brought the pulling to a halt, but it removed her anxiety about the fact that she couldn’t stop. I learned the value of small victories and encouraged her to celebrate them—no matter how many stumbles happened along the way.

A Journey, Not a Quick Fix

If there’s one thing I’ve discovered, it’s that this journey is not linear. There’s no overnight solution, no “trick” that makes OCD or trichotillomania disappear. Healing happens in tiny steps—a day with fewer compulsions, a moment of self-awareness before pulling, the courage to talk about it without shame or judgement.

And there are no setbacks, even though at times it can feel like there are.

I still have moments where I blame myself for the things I didn’t know before, but I remind myself: I’m learning. My daughter is learning. We’re in this together.

If you’re a parent just starting this journey, know this: You are not alone. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers right now. What matters most is that you’re there for your child, willing to understand, and ready to support them in the best way you can.

This is just the beginning of our story. I’ll be sharing more about the challenges we’ve encountered, the moments of despair, what’s helped us along the way, and everything in between.

Because the more we talk about OCD and trichotillomania, the more we educate and raise awareness, the less people feel alone.

Maybe that is the  “trich” afterall.

Resources for OCD, Anxiety, or Trichotillomania