Our Story · Chapter one of three
What’s Trich? Unraveling the Truth About OCD & Trichotillomania
I remember the first time my daughter was diagnosed with OCD and trichotillomania. I nodded as if I understood. The truth was, I had no idea what those words really meant—or what lay ahead.
A parent’s lived experience—not therapy or medical advice. This is what our family learned, not a roadmap for every family. For current definitions and professional guidance, use our Learn and Trusted Resources pages.
From confusion to clarity
I had a lot to learn—and unlearn.
At first, I thought OCD was mainly about visible compulsions, neatness, or perfectionism. Trichotillomania was a word I had never even heard. I assumed hair pulling was a bad habit that someone could avoid if they tried hard enough.
I loved my daughter deeply, but love did not automatically give me understanding. This chapter is the story of how I began replacing assumptions with better questions, more awareness, and a different way of showing up.
Things I once believed
- “OCD is about being neat, tidy, and a perfectionist.”
- “People with OCD just need to relax and stop overthinking.”
- “Everyone is a little OCD.”
These are common misconceptions, and I believed them. Now I understand how much they can minimize the experience of someone living with OCD. It is not a personality quirk or a preference someone can simply turn off.
I thought my daughter was simply an anxious kid. She is like me in a lot of ways, and I was an anxious kid too. What I did not understand was how unwanted thoughts, uncertainty, doubt, and the drive to find relief could form an exhausting cycle.
What I began to understand
OCD goes far beyond the stereotypes.
Obsessions can take the form of unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that cause intense distress. Compulsions can be visible behaviors or mental acts used in an attempt to reduce that distress or gain certainty. Avoidance and repeated reassurance-seeking can become part of the cycle too.
The subject of an obsession can vary from person to person and shift over time. Examples can include:
- Harm themes: distressing fears about causing harm despite not wanting to do so.
- Contamination themes: fears involving germs, illness, or feeling unclean.
- Existential themes: repeated doubt around questions that may not have a certain answer.
- Religious or moral themes: fears of sinning, doing something wrong, or being a bad person.
- Sexual themes: unwanted sexual thoughts or images that cause distress.
Many people associate OCD only with visible rituals. I learned that reviewing memories, repeating words internally, analyzing a thought, avoiding triggers, and asking for reassurance can also function as compulsions.
“Tricho-tillo-what?”
Understanding trichotillomania and other BFRBs.
While I was still trying to understand OCD, I was also learning about trichotillomania—hair-pulling disorder. At first, I assumed it was something my daughter could stop through willpower. I soon learned it was far more complex.
Trichotillomania is one type of body-focused repetitive behavior, or BFRB. Pulling can be focused and intentional in the moment, emotionally driven, or happen outside someone’s awareness while reading, studying, watching television, or using a computer. One person may experience more than one pulling style.
The behavior and the feelings around it can vary. Urges, sensory experiences, stress, boredom, relief, frustration, shame, and self-consciousness may all be part of someone’s experience—but no single description speaks for everyone.
Current BFRB information
For current professional information about trichotillomania and related BFRBs, visit the International OCD Foundation’s BFRB information page.
The guilt of not knowing
Looking backward was painful.
My daughter’s pulling began when she was young, around age nine, when we first noticed missing eyelashes. It was years before her diagnosis. Because it was not widespread, I did not understand what we were seeing. My wife showed her how to brush and care for her lashes, believing that might solve the problem.
As the pulling became more noticeable, my frustration grew. I could not understand why she could not simply stop—especially when she could see what it was doing to her lashes. I still carry guilt about how I responded before we understood the condition and before she had the right professional care.
I cannot change what I did not know then. I can let what I know now change how I respond.
That does not erase the mistakes. It gives me a responsibility to keep learning, listen more carefully, and repair where I can.
What I wish I knew sooner
Understanding changed the way I tried to support her.
I had never heard of trichotillomania before my daughter’s diagnosis. That lack of awareness mattered. The more I learned, the more I could stop treating the behavior as defiance and begin seeing the person struggling beneath it.
My perspective shifted from “Why can’t she stop?” toward “How can I support her right now?” It did not make the pulling disappear. It did help remove an added layer of anxiety and shame around not being able to stop on command.
I sought resources, additional therapy options, and expert advice. Through qualified providers and trusted sources, I learned about Exposure and Response Prevention for OCD and habit-reversal-based approaches often used for BFRBs. I also learned how much validation, patience, and emotional support could matter inside our family.
We began noticing small victories and making room to recognize them, even when difficult days followed. The journey was not linear, and no “trick” made OCD or trichotillomania disappear.
A journey, not a quick fix
We were learning together.
I still have moments when I blame myself for what I did not understand earlier. Then I remind myself: I am learning. My daughter is learning. We are in this together.
If you are a parent at the beginning of a similar journey, it is okay not to have every answer today. Learning, listening, and finding qualified support are meaningful places to begin.
This was only the beginning of our story. I would go on to share the harder nights, the moments of despair, the courage I witnessed, and what helped us stay connected through it all.
Because the more honestly we talk about OCD and trichotillomania—and the more carefully we raise awareness—the less alone another family may feel.
Maybe that is the “trich” we all need after all.
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